dzJeepChic 2,397 Posted July 19, 2009 (edited) This Mushroom walks into a bar. The Bartender asks, "What's the matter, bud?" The Mushroom says, "Why don't I have any friends, I'm a fungi?" d Edited November 16, 2020 by theksmith 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theksmith 3,685 Posted July 22, 2009 Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer? "Yes, Bubba, sure is true,” responded the lawyer. "And now someone's suin' them fast food restaurants for making 'em fat and cloggin' their hearts with all them burgers and fries, is that true mister lawyer?" "Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?" "Cause what I want to know is, I was thinkin' can I sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've slept with?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dzJeepChic 2,397 Posted August 7, 2009 Wowsers that's a lotta water! http://www.flixxy.com/car-wash.htm d Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dzJeepChic 2,397 Posted August 12, 2009 A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third Mom , Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, D|ck, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wow, vbulletin is not letting me write one name here. How convenient from a moderating point of view! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dzJeepChic 2,397 Posted August 25, 2009 Old but still oh so true: A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said: "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said: "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge? d Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peshaw48 6 Posted August 26, 2009 Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dzJeepChic 2,397 Posted August 26, 2009 Haha, Phil. That's funny. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dzJeepChic 2,397 Posted September 12, 2009 If this doesn't touch your heart then you just don't have one!!! Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later. Talk about LUCK!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Number7 86 Posted September 13, 2009 Like I say every dog has his day! George:cool: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ob1jeeper 464 Posted September 13, 2009 If this doesn't touch your heart then you just don't have one!!! Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later. Talk about LUCK!!!! You think that's sumthin'??? I won $2 the other day on the lottery... You should see the chick that followed ME home... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
