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JOTD (joke of the day)

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Good one Curly...;)

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Good one, smart snake

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'

 

 

The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'

 

 

'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.':eek::P

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Bwahaha!

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

 

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

 

The guy says, "No, what?"

 

 

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!", says the bartender.

 

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little *******. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

 

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

 

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks.

 

"Now what?", responds the patron.

 

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

 

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

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A man responds to an ad in the local paper regarding a hunting dog for sale.

 

After looking the dog over for a moment he asks the owner if it is possible to see the dog work. Owner replies, “Sure we can take him out back and see if he can find you some birds”.

 

So while they walked along a hedge row the dog immediately stops, goes around in circles, paws the ground three times, and points. The prospective buyer asks the owner what he is doing.

 

“Well”, says the owner, “The dog says there are three birds in there”. The buyer quite skeptical approaches the bushes and swoosh, three birds fly out. “Man that's something....I'd like to see him work some more”.

 

So as they proceed a bit farther the dog immediately stops, goes around in circles, paws the ground five times, and points to which the buyer asks, “Is he saying there’s five birds in there”?? He once again approaches the bushes and swoosh five birds fly out!! “That's truly amazing...I've gotta have this dog. Let's go back to your house and complete the transaction”.

 

However, on the way back the dog suddenly stops, goes around in circles, picks up a stick, shakes it violently, and points. The confused buyer asks...”What is he doing now”? Owner replies..............”He's telling you there are more birds in there than you can shake a stick at”!

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